Another response to a response

The Response: It is this juxtaposition of realities, as you call it, Dave, that has always been such a difficulty for me. Those of us who have walked through life have seen so much, and it has changed us in one way or another. How do you cope with a church, a family, a business, friends, etc. that have not seen such events; for whom you would not wish them to see such events? How do you help them to believe when they have not seen the scars, or put their hands in the wounds as you have done? How do you allow them to look at the world through your eyes, and at the same time remember to look at it through theirs?

My Response:

Not easily and I am sure I do not have the definitive or even adequate answer. Nevertheless let me try to share what I have come to think I think.

First - I believe in conversation.
I think truth is better discovered in dialogue rather than didactics
That is probably why I always learn more in seminars than speeches
Keep the conversation going
Speechifying makes me tired
Didactics shuts down conversation
Lecturing makes me feel small and stupid
Now I don’t even want to learn
Don’t tell me what to think - lead me to enjoy discovery
Don’t tell me how to think - model the process

Second - I believe that openness begets openness.
Not 100% - maybe only 40% of the time
But lack of openness will result in lack of openness 99% of the time
If there is any hope of learning, growing or discovery openness is the beginning
Who said, “The best teacher is the lead learner?”

Third - I believe that my reality is my reality and I do not have to convince the other to believe anything
This is hard - my agenda to convince usually works against my goal
I might have better luck at convincing if I could enter into the others reality
this too is hard - but not too hard if I am comfortable with my own reality


Fourth - I believe that my job is to be as honest and open as the other can tolerate.
Push and back off - Push and back off
I push my reality until I feel resistance - then I push a little more and then back off